The Colbert Report/Episode/579
Production Info |- |} |- |} Intro SEGMENT1 * who could imagine people could give as much love as Stephen's Mob ** it's unprecedented * it's true everyone is still in shock over the death of Michael Jackson * good memories ** up until 1989 * Mahmoud Ahma-mamma-say-mamma-say-ama-dinejad sent a card * not just Iran ** Michael Jackson * SC gov Mark Sanford admitted cheating on his wife one day too soon * now is the time to commit acts of depravity and not get caught * apparently there is a blonde wig, a puppy and some kind of nose candy in The C-Desk SEGMENT2 * The Census * if you count everyone ... * Tonight's word: Noncensus * in the past they have made mistakes * fastes growing group ** is multi-racial * America is a melting pot, not a * non-whites * non-Christians * Republicans are working to undermine it * Senate GOP have blocked Obama's choice for Census director * ACORN is Obama's secret weapon * GOP Steven King ** Dems did exactly what Dick Cheney did with Halliburton * Katherine Harris impersonator, Michele Bachmann * must attack real problem ** counting uses Arabic numerals ** known associate of vampires * 7734 upside-down is satanic * stop finding out who America is made of ** deep down we know America is a conservative country, as long as we are conservative about who we count SEGMENT3 * Dr. Colbert has some more sad news ** he was on The Twitter * multiple tweets declared Jeff Goldblum died at the age of 56 * The Ghost of Jeff Goldblum appeared in The Eagle's Nest to twitter * Dr. Colbert declared that the dead can twitter * no one will miss Jeff Goldblum more than Jeff Goldblum ** muscularity of Brando * *being caught in a flesh storm with a 90% chance of satisfaction * when Jeff Goldblum passed away, he will be missed * Dr. Colbert suggested that The Ghost of Jeff Goldblum go toward the light Interview * Neil DeGrasse Tyson ** book: "The Pluto Files: The Rise and Fall of America's Favorite Planet" ** which part of the universe laser takes place in * only 6-time nailed * he's a scientist ** 7x7=49 (in base 10) * Host of NOVA Science Now * society that Stephen lives in doesn't have science * he and Stephen are both Astrophysicists * see science as existing all around * there may be no science in medicine ** science of nailing * he is a knowledge pusher ** first show is free * tries to make science accessible * The USA Today had a poll saying how many Americans can name a scientist * it takes the Earth one year to go around the sun ** on average * Obama is creating an atmosphere and landscape ** last person to do that? God Epilogue * Dr. Colbert greets us at The Shelves Of Honor * Cheap Trick, who wrote the theme to The Report, have a new release "The Latest" on a limited edition 8-track * however Stephen encounters something for the first time, that's how it should always be ** always eats bananas mushed in a cup * 8-Tracks force consumers to listen to every song on the album * Robin Zander and Rick Nielsen performed "Sick Man of Europe" ** Nielsen played a guitar labeled "TRUTHINESS" * the show was dedicated to Jeff Goldblum, who died unexpectedly in New Zealand from a fall off a cliff Gallery File: File: File:ColbertConfirmsGoldblumDeath.jpg File:TheDeadCanTwitter.jpg File:GoldblumColbertReact2NewsOfDeath.jpg File:GhostJeffGoldblum.jpg File: File: File: File: File: File: File:InMemoriamGoldblum.jpg Official Truthy Videos * Colbert Nation Home Tube External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments